Crucify my Love: Gay Book Reviews: [54-ENG] Review: Damaged

Series: -

Volume: 1/1
Publisher: Self-Published

Genre/s: Contemporary M/M romance, BDSM

Length: 44 000

Pages: 133

Read in: English
Review copy format: epub

Rate:✮✮✮✮✮✮

One tragic event changes Jack Backam's life forever. When his partner is killed in the line of duty, Jack loses faith in himself and begins to blame himself for his colleague's death. In order to somehow atone for his sins, the man holes up in a small Indian casino amidst the inaccessible forests of Colorado. The aura of darkness and mystery surrounding this place encourages Jack to give vent to his hidden lusts. A similar influence seems to have on him an unconventionally attractive casino manager, Taylor Brant, who like a phoenix had been reborn from the ashes of his nightmarish past relationships.
Two broken men who should stay away from each other, incomprehensible mutual attraction and ghosts of the past constantly surrounding them. This thing between them can help them get back on their feet or destroy them completely.

I don't conceal that one of my biggest weaknesses are the novels in which the protagonist is a police officer, so thanks to Jack "Damaged" immediately gained some extra points in my personal book ranking. But I admit that the way in which he was presented surprised me a little and I liked it very much, so my love for Jack is based not only on his profession. Tricia Owens didn't present him as a typical alpha male, but she clearly and precisely showed his kind of weak psyche, undeniably good heart and the hidden desire to be completely subordinate to another person. It really makes a strong impression, the more so if we put him together with Brant, who was a submissive victim of violence, but this nightmarish experience of the past made him psychologically strong and in a way "dark". And what's more, he likes to dominate. Therefore, the roles of these two are somewhat reversed, which I think is a fantastic and interesting move, and a huge advantage of "Damaged".

However, the roles of the characters are not the only thing related to them that constitute the key strength of this novel. The great advantage is also the fact that both Jack and Brant are the characters to a certain extent broken, destroyed, if we refer to the title of the novel. And this is one of the reasons why after they unexpectedly "find" each other, they slowly start to put together each other's hearts, souls and psyche. In fact, they both give something to this other person, they both get something in return, and they take a risk while opening their hearts to someone else, which requires some courage from them. I really like the way their mutual relation was presented because that's how, among other things, the novel gains depth and meaning. To put it simply, it doesn't focus on the body, but on the human psyche, its rehabilitation and treatment.

I admit that in "Damaged" I also liked the manner in which the BDSM practices were presented. Let's begin with the fact that they are not characterized by pure spontaneity, as is the case in many novels where the BDSM motif appears, but to some degree Jack and Brant's sessions are planned a bit earlier. Thus, the reader sees that Brant is serious about his preferences and takes care of his partner's safety, which is extremely important to me. What's more, in her book Tricia Owens doesn't present only pure BDSM, but also pays special attention to the human factor in relation to these practices. Therefore, she focuses on such things as giving vent to already existing sexual tastes, discovering and developing them, as well as rejecting one of the BDSM roles in favor of the different one that suits the given person better. Equally important is the fact that in her novel the author mentions the line separating sadomasochistic practices and pure brutality that someone wants to give vent to. I admit that it made a great impression on me.

Finally, I would also like to mention the fact that in "Damaged" Tricia Owens plays with our belief in ghosts and paranormal phenomena. I think that in this way the author wanted to awaken our uncertainty, make us think about the possibility of another, not entirely rational, explanation of some events, as well as arouse even greater interest in the story she tells us. And I admit that it all worked out well. While reading this book, I asked myself several times if I didn't make a mistake concerning the genre of this novel, and I won't even mention how many times the level of adrenaline in my blood increased because of some events presented in the story. As for me, these were the reasons good enough to love this novel even more.

In summary, "Damaged" is a well-written book that shows fragile and at the same time extremely strong human psyche, process of healing the troubled soul and feeling between two people built on the trust. This is a really fantastic novel that is worth reading, especially if you like stories that are a bit dark, mysterious, have a BDSM theme, but in which the emotions play the most important role. I highly recommend this book!

Headcanon: Over time, Jack finds courage to suggest some sexual "games" he wants Brant to try out on him.

Fanfiction idea: Jack and Brant's date at the BDSM bar, during which Jack is equally excited and embarrassed.

AU idea: Jack is a criminal who gets injured while escaping the police. To dress the wound, he breaks into someone's house. Because the owner, Brant, is inside at that time, Jack takes him hostage and forces him to help him with his injury. In fact, Jack isn't going to hurt Brant, he is just desperate and needs help.

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Here's some more about:

Book Title: Damaged

Author: Tricia Owens

Cover Artist: Tricia Owens

Heat Rating: 5 flames (Graphic scenes of rough sex, BDSM)

Release Date: February 12, 2019

It is a standalone story.

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Blurb

After Detective Jack Beckam’s partner is killed during the line of duty, Jack retreats to a small Indian casino in the Colorado mountains to deal with his guilt. There, he encounters the mysteriously hostile casino manager, Taylor Brant.

Jack is on a downward spiral. Unfortunately for him, the strange forest surrounding the casino only increases his desire to do something reckless. Something desperate. Taylor Brant is not only dangerous, he’s damaged. He’s someone Jack should steer clear of. Yet Jack, hurting and needing to pay penance, tumbles into a series of dark, highly charged encounters with Brant which threaten to shatter them both.

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Excerpt

Amusement briefly lit Brant's gray gaze. "You're an interesting man, Jack. Under other circumstances I'd enjoy feeling you out."
"I thought you hate cops. Sounds to me like you're flirting with one."
He was immediately embarrassed for having said it. Taylor Brant was one of the most attractive men he'd ever seen, much less had dinner with—but Jack recognized the nugget of fear rolling around in his own gut. He was in foreign territory, literally and figuratively. All his experience as a detective, all his street smarts, meant next to nothing when it came to his occasional and unwanted attraction to specific men. It was like a flare-up of a rash—unpredictable, unwelcome, and woefully incurable.
"I'd be reckless, wouldn't I," Brant said, "to flirt with a detective?" Brant's gaze grew intent. "I'm not reckless."
“Sounds to me like you’re a masochist.”
“Would it take one to know one?”
The restaurant was emptying out. Jack wished it were busier. Louder. He wished that the waiter was intrusive. He could feel himself sweating and felt ridiculous; he was only sitting there eating dinner.
Brant didn't appear to be all that relaxed, either. The casino manager was tense. Nervous. Jack was too experienced in studying people to miss the signs. Was Brant regretting his boldness? Maybe they were both stumbling around in the dark in their own ways. It was strange to look at Taylor Brant and consider him anything other than one hundred percent sure of himself.
Or was it? He was well groomed and sophisticated, yet the broken nose hinted at his past experience with abuse. The book, too, suggested deep waters and a hint of vulnerability.
But Jack wasn't completely sold on Brant being a man you could easily take advantage of. Maybe back then, back when Brant had dated those cops, he had been a man like that. But not any longer. The man sitting across from Jack had been honed by pain, anger, and disappointment. Brant had gone through hell and come out the other side as a more powerful man. It was there in those steely eyes, a hint of the danger he presented: he needed to control every situation he entered because he would never allow himself to be at anyone's mercy again. He was using his fear to become something—someone—unbreakable.
Jack's cock pulsed at the prospect of being under Brant's control, even for an hour. It wasn't something he'd ever experienced, and the fantasy of it was probably better than the reality. Hell, he didn't know how he'd react to someone attempting to take the upper hand with him. There was a good chance he'd throw a punch.

About the Author

Tricia Owens has been writing m/m fiction since 2000, after stumbling onto the term ‘slash’ and thinking it referred to horror stories. She is the author of the Sin City, A Pirate’s Life for Me, and Juxtapose City series, among several others. She lives in Las Vegas.