Crucify my Love: Gay Book Reviews: [153-ENG] Review: Secret Admirer

Series: -

Volume: 1/1
Publisher: DJ Jamison

Genre/s: Contemporary M/M Romance

Length: 59 000 words

Pages: 232

Read in: English
Review copy format: epub

Rate:✮✮✮✮✮✮

When a friend from college stands him up on their first date, Benji's already low self-esteem suddenly becomes even lower. What's more, Ace, Benji's secret love and his older brother's best friend, is a witness of the failed date. Could this situation be even worse? Benji is convinced that nothing good is waiting for him in the future. He is average, he has nothing to offer to a potential boyfriend, and his biggest love considers him a little brother. Unexpectedly, he gets a gift from a secret admirer and just like that a smile is back on Benji's face. But who sent him this present? Benji begins his little private investigation the results of which are totally unexpected.

"Secret Admirer" is a novel written by DJ Jamison, the title of which clearly reveals the main theme around which the plot revolves. It is worth noting, however, that while our first opinion concerning the book, when reading both the title and blurb, is that it's a rather simple, sweet story of falling in love with someone inaccessible, the author really surprises us with a large number of serious topics, which she perfectly connects with the theme of a secret admirer. That's why I really have to admit that in terms of the idea for his novel and its construction, DJ Jamison surprised me positively. "Secret Admirer" is not only an interesting book, but also filled with depth, as in this story even seemingly simple, small problems do not seem trivial. They are shown taking into account the psyche of the characters who have to deal with these issues. What's more, there is always something going on in this novel, which keeps the reader in suspense until the very end. We never know when something that turns the story 180 degrees will happen, and there are plenty of such occurrences in "Secret Admirer".

I think that also the characters are a huge advantage of this novel, as the author really built them in a perfect way taking into account their whole being. DJ Jamison gave us a full insight into the mind and soul of Benji and Ace, their thoughts and feelings, showing them from two different angles. On the one hand, we see them through the eyes of this other person, someone from the outside, so we know what they seem to be, how they are perceived by other people, by the world, and most importantly, what their crush thinks about them. On the other hand, we look at them through their own eyes, thanks to which we notice all the differences between what they seem to be and what they really are, we learn about their doubts, reasons behind their uncertainty, fears and their own opinion about themselves. In this case, it is extremely important that thanks to all this we also have the opportunity to follow the development of the main characters, changes concerning the way they see themselves. To be honest, I think it's the first time I've read a novel in which characters are created this way. I really enjoyed it.

Reading "Secret Admirer" I was a little surprised by the problem concerning Benji's older brother, Jeremy. I really didn't expect that he would have such a huge impact on this story and on the main characters. On one hand, he is the best friend to whom Ace owes so much that picking up his younger brother seems like ingratitude and betrayal. And when we look at Jeremy from a different angle, it is his excessive patronage that makes Ace Benji's surrogate older brother during the absence of the biological one. I think we could say that Jeremy is the source of our main characters' biggest love problems. What's also important, his influence is so great that he does not have to be physically present on campus or even in the city to hinder Benji's and Ace's emotional life without even being aware of that. It's really amazing.

In "Secret Admirer" the problem of coming out and being honest with oneself is also of great importance. This is another brilliantly presented and somewhat surprising topic that I personally did not expect. Let's start with the fact that the novel shows the contrast between the character who openly admits his sexuality and the one who still hides it. What's more, we see how the problem of "forbidden" crush is pushed aside the moment the coming out dilemma takes its place. With all this in mind, I think that one of the most essential threads in "Secret Admirer" is self-acceptance, being open with yourself about your feelings, finding the courage to face your sexuality and then the world. In her novel DJ Jamison presented this topic in a really perfect way, which is why I encourage you to read this book and see it for yourself.

In summary, "Secret Admirer" is a really interesting and perfectly written novel which we can't put aside even for a moment. It is filled with serious, amazingly presented topics that apply to all of us, regardless of age. This is definitely a wise, enlightening novel you must read.

Headcanon: Every year on anniversary of giving Benji presents as secret admirer, Ace gives him the same gifts.

Fanfiction idea: Ace and Benji are going camping. Before their departure Jeremy was telling his brother some really terrifying stories about what could happen to them in the woods, so now Benji is afraid event to pee alone. Because of that Ace must stay near him all the time.

AU idea: Benji is an accountant in a large company. One day, he discovers some inaccuracies in book and reports it to his superiors. It turns out that he discovered scams and now he is in danger. Detective Ace helps him finish the case and survive.

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Here's some more about:

Book Title: Secret Admirer

Author: DJ Jamison

Cover Artist: Cate Ashwood

Release Date: June 25, 2020

Trope/s: Brother’s Best Friend, Secret Admirer

Themes: Bisexual awakening, friends to lovers themes

Heat Rating: 4 flames

It is a standalone book.

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Blurb

You deserve all the kisses you want ...

Benji,

I just want you to know how amazing you are. You won't believe me, because I'm just your brother's best friend. But everything I feel is undeniable.

A few anonymous love tokens change everything, though. I finally have an outlet for all the things I can't say, and with each gift and note, you smile. For me. Not your brother's friend, but something new. Something more. Something that will change everything if we can both find the courage to believe.

All I have to do is confess who I really am:

Your Secret Admirer

Buy Links

Universal Link| Amazon US | Amazon UK

Excerpt

ACE
“Is my brother a deal-breaker?” he asked.
I sucked in my bottom lip, feeling torn. I wanted him like crazy. I’d had plenty of time to feel attraction for guys, to get a bit curious and wonder... and my body was fully down to fuck, regardless of the fact I’d never been with a guy. But fucking Benji was a big deal. Jeremy expected me to protect his virtue, not throw him on the bed and ravish him.
“Ace?”
I let out an unsteady breath. “He should be. But fuck, Benji, I really like you.”
“You can never lie to me again.”
“I won’t.”
“And you’ll let me handle my brother,” he said.
I parted my lips to object, but he was full of fire — not anger this time, but something else, something more enticing — and I couldn’t find the words. He must have seen the answer in my eyes. He tilted forward, and I met him for a long overdue kiss.
He was sweet, both tentative and eager as his lips parted under mine. Despite leading our conversation, he let me take over as soon as our mouths connected. I savored the soft feel of his lips, the hitch in his breathing as my tongue met his, the small sound of surrender as the kiss deepened.
“Whoa,” he said, voice filled with wonder, when I pulled back for a breath. His green eyes were bright, his cheeks rosy with a blush. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“Yeah?” I murmured, feeling a bit of my old ego restored at his reaction. “Just wait.”
I took his mouth again, and this time he met me with more confidence, pushing his tongue against mine, clutching at my shoulders.
The kiss grew wet and desperate.
I grabbed his head, holding him in place to better devour him, and he pushed his hands under my shirt, feeling up my stomach to my chest. When his fingers grazed my nipples, I shivered. When he raked his nails over my abs, I moaned and thrust my hips against his. I felt his hardness behind his zipper.
Fuck yes.
It sent a thrill through me. He wanted me, and I didn’t have to question it. He was hard, just like me. Male, just like me. It was strangely erotic, knowing he was aching in exactly the same way I was.
I pushed him onto the bed, loving the feel of him pinned under me. When we needed air, I moved my lips to the creamy skin of his neck. God, I loved his skin, so fucking pale and soft.
His fingers were tangled in my hair, holding me against him, as he thrust his hips up. I could feel his cock jabbing my stomach, and I didn’t care one fucking bit. I thought maybe I’d be weirded out, like maybe I’d need to adjust to having a guy under me instead of a girl, but it didn’t matter.
Benji felt right; he felt fucking great.

About the Author

DJ Jamison is the author of more than twenty m/m romances. She writes a variety of queer characters, from gay to bisexual to asexual. DJ grew up in the Midwest in a working-class family, and those influences can be found in her writing through characters coping with real-life problems: money troubles, workplace drama, family conflicts and, of course, falling in love. DJ spent more than a decade in the newspaper industry before chasing her first dream to write fiction. She spent a lifetime reading before that and continues to avidly devour her fellow authors’ books each night. She lives in Kansas with her husband, two sons, one snake, and a sadistic cat named Birdie.