Series: -
Volume: 1/1Publisher: Self-Published
Genre/s: Contemporary M/M Romance
Length: 44 000 words
Read in: English
Review copy format: epub
Rate:✮✮✮✮✮✰
Bernard Covington has been working as a bellhop for many years and he doesn't see any chances of changing his job or promotion. What's more, his age, silhouette and love failures fuel his depression, which prompts him to end his life. The man almost manages to kill himself, but the quick reaction of the medics saves his life and forces him to continue his everyday struggle. However, this time something changes in his life, because in hospital Bernard meets Jack, a very attractive and incredibly nice doctor who offers to help him overcome his illness and regain his will to live. Although for Bernard it seems impossible, Jack turns out to be clearly interested in him, and the better they get to know each other, the stronger their feelings become. But does their relationship have a chance to be successful and overcome all difficulties?
"Bernard's Diary" is a novel that I wanted to read for a lot of reasons, and the vast majority of them was associated with Bernard. I admit that if we take into consideration the mentioned main character, while reading this novel I found in it much more than I expected. But first things first. Bernard is undoubtedly an unconventional character, and his uniqueness consists of many factors. The first, and probably the most important, of these is the fact that there's more of the man than there should be, in other words, he is significantly overweight. Let's be honest, today in literature such characters are very rare. Especially in romances! At this point it is worth to remain you that Bernard is a bit older. While this type of protagonists is more and more popular, there's one thing that makes most of them similar – they have an attractive and rather well-built body. So I think that we should appreciate the fact that in this case we are dealing with an older, fatter man even more. Such people are quite common in the real world, but in literature they are undoubtedly rare. Finally, let me add that Bernard is a virgin with depression and that's how the image of this exceptional protagonist is completed. Wow! I am very grateful to S.L. Danielson for Bernard!
Reading "Bernard's Diary" we should also appreciate the fact that the novel touches many different, very serious problems, often of a psychological nature, which the characters are struggling with. One of them is the mentioned depression. I think that S.L. Danielson presented the problem very well because she didn't focus on one aspect of this illness, but she presented it in three-dimensional way. On the one hand, the reader can see the effects of depression, such as lack of self-acceptance, exaggerated criticism, lack of faith in one's strength, pessimism and suicide attempts. Its second aspect that has been shown here is the influence of the external world on a person suffering from depression, their specific case, their symptoms. Showing the problem from this side is in my opinion the most important, because people often don't realize how their behavior, words, comments affect others, their psyche, their lives, both in negative and positive terms. The third angle at which the author shows depression is presenting a difficult and long, but possible to take, road to overcome it. S.L. Danielson handled the topic raised in the novel quite efficiently and thoroughly, which is really worth our appreciation.
As I mentioned, "Bernard's Diary" also presents a lot of other problems that have been shown in more or less detail in the novel. In this review I won't mention every problem we find here, because you have to discover some of them by reading this unique book, but let me mention a few, to show you how well the author approached the topics and how thoughtfully are they presented. Let's start with a clash of physical appearance and sex. I think that S.L. Danielson really shows this problem perfectly, as it's reasonably connected with the lack of self-acceptance and broadly understood uncertainty, associated with lack of experience and mentioned illness. What's more, with time we see how the approach to this subject changes as the character's mental state changes too. Another great obstacle that the characters encounter on their path is the fight with the ghosts of the past. In fact, it is the second biggest and most important issue in the novel, so I'm glad that the author really showed it in a quite accurate, moving, very graphic way that makes us cry. Thanks to this, Bernard's story keeps us in suspense from the beginning to the end.
At the end of this review I would like to write about the way in which in her novel S.L. Danielson showed the characters' relationship. She focused not only on building it, but also on the problems that it must face, on the influence the partners, their past and present have on it. However, what is most important is that the author not only shows how people influence the relationship, but also how it affects them. What matters to me in this respect is that in "Bernard's Diary" we see both the positive and negative impact of the relationship on the partners, which really makes this novel all the more unique. And let me add that to a large extent it is the mentioned interaction that builds up the tension and drama of this story. So I think that the way the author approached the theme of the relationship is really a big advantage of "Bernard's Diary" and deserves recognition.
In summary, "Bernard's Diary" is a really beautiful, emotional book that makes us smile and cry while reading it. It's a well-written, well-thought-out story that stays with us for a long time and changes us, as after reading it we are different people than we were before. I highly recommend you this novel!
Headcanon: Bernard encourages Jack to write a "diary", but in his he should write stories that will help him forget about alcohol in times when he feels he needs a drink.
Fanfiction idea: Jack tries in thousands of ways to make Bernard's family forgive him for how he hurt his beloved.
AU idea: Jack is a popular actor whom Bernard loves. Bernard takes part in the competition, in which the prize is a date with Jack, but he doesn't even believe he could win. It turns out, however, that he wins the main prize. The man panics before the date, and during it he's so stressed that he's not able to even talk to Jack. Seeing this, the actor decides to find a way to help him relax.
Here's some more about:
Book Title: Bernard’s Diary
Author: S. L. Danielson
Cover Artist: Diana TC (triumphcovers.com)
Themes: Coming out, suicide attempt, forgiveness
Heat Rating: 4 flames
Release Date: June 28, 2019
Can a suicidal bellhop find true love?
Blurb
Blurb
Bernard Covington, suicidal and not the most-handsome man in the world would be happy to leave the world behind altogether. That is until he meets Dr. Jack Larson. The physician takes his wounded heart and soul and patches them back together, but is he Mr.Perfect?
Bernard and Jack develop a romance, but soon the tide begins to shift as Jack’s past is revealed and it becomes a game-changer for the couple to deal with.
Will Bernard and Jack have a happy ending or will he succumb to his desire to end it all or will dealing with Jack's phantoms keep him going? Only Bernard's diary knows what secrets lurk in his soul...
Bernard and Jack develop a romance, but soon the tide begins to shift as Jack’s past is revealed and it becomes a game-changer for the couple to deal with.
Will Bernard and Jack have a happy ending or will he succumb to his desire to end it all or will dealing with Jack's phantoms keep him going? Only Bernard's diary knows what secrets lurk in his soul...
Excerpt
Prologue
Bernard sat on his bed after another long day at the hotel just a few miles away. He was a bellhop.
Not the most glamorous profession, but the only one he could get years ago when his life plans changed drastically. He raked his fingers through his thick salt-n-pepper hair and yawned wide. He reached down and opened up his nightstand drawer and pulled out his journal. He flipped to an open page and plucked off the pen that was attached to the outside and clicked the point down.
I can’t hold this in much longer. Jeremy makes me want to explode every time I get near that incredible body of his! He’s such a good customer, tips well, and never has much luggage. I love bringing up room service to him...I wish it were me that was staying behind in the room with him. I have to tell him how I feel; he must suspect something by now. I’d give anything to have a real man in my life for once, just once! Something’s gotta change in a big way or...shit. I’ve just, I’ve got to do this before I fall apart and die a 46-yr-old virgin. Wishing myself luck!
Chapter 1: Fateful Night
August 8th. 10 p.m. The blinding red and blue strobing from the ambulance lights lit up the dark street. It’d been a silent evening until its arrival. Two paramedics rushed up the concrete steps to the midnight blue steel entry door on the far side of the long, rectangular apartment building. The lights from the ambulance painted a brilliant hue onto the otherwise dull, gray brick building. Even the trim was gray and all of it was rusted and falling apart.
Another medic followed after, steering a gurney down the steps. Their patient was out cold and stripped from the waist up. He had all kinds of medical apparatus on him; IVs, a breathing mask, and a defibrillator on standby. Finally, the two medics maneuvered their patient down and into the waiting ambulance.
“Ok, what’ve we got?” barked the voice over the radio.
“Heart attack and attempted suicide,” the medic replied in a professional, matter-of-fact tone.
“Any defib?”
“Shocked him twice. 46-year-old male, obese, two bad wrist lacerations, and ingestion of pills.”
“10-4, we’ll be ready.”
The ambulance pulled into the emergency department at Adams County hospital. It wasn’t a fully-equipped center, but it would have to do. The patient was near death. The doors on the ambulance flew open and the stat team ran out to greet them. In charge was a tall, handsome young doctor named Jack Larson. They ran with the gurney inside and to a treatment room. There were four people working on him at once, but Jack kept order to the chaos.
“Nurse, type and cross-match his blood and start him on Narcan.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“What’re his vitals?” he demanded.
“BP is 90 over 50, pulse 135,” the lead nurse replied.“Damn, too high. What’s our patient’s name?”
“Bernard Covington.” The other nurse read it from the report.
He touched the patient’s shoulder and leaned over him. “Mr. Covington? Can you hear me?” He pulled out his exam flashlight and pulled up the man’s eyelids one at a time to check the dilation.
“He’s out cold, doc. Cops said they found him like this, pills were right next to him.” One of the medics chimed in.
“How many and what kind?” Dr. Larson asked.
“Effexor, 50 mg. Had 30 pills filled, only 20 were found, and it was just filled.” The nurse drew the necessary blood and labeled it for the lab.
The doctor groaned. He hated seeing suicide cases. “All right, let’s pump his stomach, suture these wrists too. They’re pretty deep.”
“Yes, sir.” The nurse prepared the needle, cleansed the wounds, and very skillfully sewed up the wounds. He wrapped them in a thick, cushy layer of gauze and laid them at the patient’s side.
“Good job, Higgins.” Dr. Larson nodded at him.
“Damn, Dr. Jack; that’s the worst I’ve seen. Cops found a butcher knife with blood on it.”
Jack looked at the nurse in surprise. “A butcher knife? Damn, Bernard, you’d cut your hand off.”
He pursed his lips and shook his head.
“He’s stabilizing, Dr. Larson,” the nurse reported.
“Alright, go prep him and pump his stomach. Keep him on constant watch.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
About the Author
S. L. (Stephanie) Danielson began writing at the tender age of five. She knew it was her calling from the moment she put pen to paper. In her teens she began writing alternative works and the genre stuck. She created ever more elaborate tales and finally in her early 20’s years began to create works with her new love; male/male romance. She has since written more than 30 works both solo and collaborations).
Stephanie is classically trained in business, accounting, and HR/training, possessing both an undergrad and graduate degree. She also owned and operated Romance First Publishing where the ultimate goal was to help other unknown, as well as known authors get their start in the publishing world.
Beyond writing, her other hobbies include: painting, gaming, and spending time with her husband and two cherished cats.
Her blog is www.sldanielsoncom.wordpress.com and email is ladyauthorsld@gmail.com
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